Raising children of character demands time and attention. Being a successful parent is much more complicated than just having them. Here are ten tips for building character in children:

1. Make parenting your priority. In a world that has so many competing demands, putting your parenting duties first is hard. Good parents deliberately plan and devote time to parenting. They make developing their children’s character a top priority.
2. Review how you spend time with your kids. Think about the amount of time you spend with your children. Consciously decide how to weave your children into your social life and conversely, knit yourself into their lives.
3. Be the best example. The key way we humans learn is through modeling. It’s impossible to not be an example to your kids, whether that be good or bad. Being a good example, then, is probably one of your most important child-rearing tasks.
4. Watch what your children are absorbing. Children are little sponges. A high percentage of what they take in is about moral values and character. Books, songs, TV, the Internet, and films are continually delivering moral and immoral messages.  To be good parents, we should control the flow of ideas and images that are influencing our children.
5. Use the right language. Children cannot develop a moral compass unless people around them use the clear, sharp language of what is right and what is wrong.
6. Punish from a sense of love. Today, using punishment gets a bad rap that results in guilty parents and self-indulgent, out-of-control children. Children need limits. They will ignore these limits on occasion. Reasonable punishment is one of the ways for children to learn what they cause has an effect and it helps them learn one of Life’s most powerful laws.
7. Listen to your children. It is easy to tune out the talk of our children. Tell yourself right now that you will be tuned into them talking to you and that you will stop what you are doing immediately to listen.
8. Be involved in your child’s school life. School is the main event in the lives of our children. School days bring triumphs and disappointments. How your kids deal with them will influence their entire lives. Helping your children be good students is another way for helping them build strong character.
9. Make a big deal of the family meal. One of the most dangerous trends today is the death of the family meal. The dinner table is not only a place of sustenance and family business but also a place for the teaching and passing on of our values. Manners and rules are subtly absorbed over the table. Family mealtime should communicate and sustain ideals which children will draw on throughout their lives.
10. Do not reduce character education only to words. Parents should help children by promoting moral action through self-discipline, good work habits, kind and considerate behavior to others, and community service. This takes practice.

We parents want our children to craft their own characters while we provide the environment and tools to help them accomplish this.  We want them to develop honesty, generosity, and a sense of justice while we build our own character through the daily blood, sweat and tears of struggling to be good parents. By everyone’s efforts in building character in children, we can produce a society that values others.

It has become a general consensus that discipline – the word, and the actions involved – has a negative connotation. Discipline is thought to mean one individual (usually a parent) exercising his will against the behavior of a child.  I would like to look at the concept of teaching children discipline from a truly unconditionally loving perspective in order to afford you a new, more humane way to help your children to become the fullness of their Selfhood without your having to use strong-arm methods.

Some of the ideas intrinsic to the old method of discipline in vogue for many centuries involve setting limits, correcting misbehavior, spanking (or not,) who’s in charge, self-control, being seen as a mean mommy or daddy, consequences, temper, screaming, and the like.  I’m sure that just be reading some of these words, you began to squirm, didn’t you?

Discipline takes you as a parent out of your comfort zone, but in truth, it’s such a loving gift for your children, that it’s worth the effort. Let’s look at some new ideas.

Can you love your children unconditionally, or do they have to perform according to a set of standards you create in order for them to get your love? It’s important for your children to be taught the beneficial side of self discipline from their earliest years, so that they learn to go within themselves and honor the good that they were intrinsically born with. Like you, they have an Inner Coach who tells them the difference between right and wrong.

Which of these approaches shows more unconditional love?

1. You have made mommy very mad. You go sit in a chair for five minutes.

or

2. It must be so uncomfortable inside you right now. Is that behavior something you want to keep doing?

Number one is conditional parenting.  You will love them only if they don’t make you mad, if they perform appropriately for you. Number two is unconditional: the child has made a mistake and you point him within to recognize how he’s made himself uncomfortable.

The traditional method of discipline – spanking, yelling, time outs, etc. – truly doesn’t work nor has it turned out children who are self-governed.  If it had, we wouldn’t have to repeat the discipline, nor would we have prisons full to the brim!

We have all been pushed to succeed. It is one thing to live a rich, full, busy life because you love it, than to live a life striving to success because you have been pushed into it by your parents.

In teaching children discipline, having as a motive for it your unconditional love and support, you will keep as your goal raising children with strong self-esteem who use their own internal and good natural basis to govern what they will or will not act out in their lives. This is a much more challenging task and requires assiduousness over the many years of their childhood, over the tantrums of their baby and toddler years, and the striking out of their teen years.  But your guidance will produce a phenomenal child who understands that self discipline is a great benefit supporting his life achievement, and all that steady-as-you-go through each issue is so worth it.

Unconditional and loving discipline is spoken about in the book “Unconditional Parenting,” by Alfie Kohn.

Take Notes (even if you already have)

The act of reading through information, determining what is important, and then writing it down is a way to actively use the material. This is the key to studying- using the information instead of just passively reading it over and over.

2. Make Flash Cards

Although this may not seem appropriate for older students, it actually works for all levels. Pick out the key vocabulary terms, symbols, or dates from your notes. Write them on one side of an index card and write the definition, answer, event, etc. on the opposite side. Flip through the cards and test yourself. You should do this for both sides of the cards.

3. Redo Problems or Questions

Effective study skills should involve more than just looking over notes. You should also use any in-class problems/questions, homework assignments, and/or quizzes. Cover up the answers to these past problems/questions and try them again (or have someone re-write them for you on a new piece of paper). The actual act of doing the assignment again will let you know if you understand it. Just reading along or following the answer passively does not let you know if you can do it on your own.

4. Make Meaningful Connections

It is easier to remember and understand information if you can make connections between all the different pieces. A teacher presents certain topics, terms, events, etc. in the same unit of study because they are all related to each other. Understanding these connections will allow you to see the big picture and remember all of the individual pieces.

One way to do this is by creating a concept map. A concept map takes the major terms/ideas of the unit and connects them with lines and a description describing the relationship. Connecting important terms together creates a web of understanding and is key to improving study habits.

5. Find a Buddy

Many students find it helpful to study with someone else. You haven’t truly mastered something until you can teach it to someone else. Studying with a buddy allows you to learn the information by explaining it. In addition, you can benefit by having a fellow student explain something in a different way that you may not have considered. This also makes studying a social experience instead of a lonely, isolated task.

6. Study in Small Doses

The worst thing to do is to wait until the night before a test to cram everything in. This will be overwhelming and make the studying seem impossible. Improving study habits requires studying a little bit every day. Each day after learning something new you should rewrite notes, make flash cards, redo problems, and start a concept map. This keeps the information fresh on your mind and allows you to break up your time. Instead of spending a few hours the night before, you can spend about 20 minutes each night.

principals, parents need to create a positive atmosphere for our children, help the children to believe in
themselves. Educational leaders can help children escape from the ever increasing web of failure, fear and social ills. ~ Reed Markham, Ph.D

Kids go through changes throughout their lives, and just when they think they understand how it is, it changes.  Sometimes this makes the child view life negatively.  This negativity is normal, but if you see symptoms like low appetite, less sleep at night, an attitude of angry indifference, or poor grades, you might want to see the help of a professional. Of great importance:  how you handle your negative child will have strong bearing on the rest of his or her life, so be compassionate.

The Negative Child Frequently Starts at Home

It might be tough for you to admit this, but we know globally that both nature and nurture play a role in the development of your child, so you may have nurtured him into some negative viewpoints.  Be honest and talk to him about your role. Let’s say you don’t praise much but you are quick to point out his negative behavior, you have taught him this. They inadvertently pick up all they see and hear. If you fight with your spouse, this is another source of your child’s negativity.

Steps You Can Take

Find ways to stop your own negative responses to all around you. It’s not easy but it’s worth the effort. All you need to do is to take the next step, however small.  Create a few sentences you can say to yourself if you see yourself acting negatively.

Try asking yourself how you can act in more of a positive light. Look for ways to compliment before criticizing. This is telling your child that you believe in him and you recognize the good he does.

Low Self Esteem

Low self esteem can occur in children who are overweight or have medical problems. It can also occur in a child who’s healthy and physically acceptable. Experts can’t explain this. Kids with low self esteem have a harder time meeting challenges, like excelling in sports. A child with low self esteem might see the world as a tough place and won’t appreciate life.

What You Can Do to Help

You cannot “fix” this problem immediately. It will take love, understanding, and patience to help your child. You can help by listening to him attentively. Let him know his feelings are important to you. Praise him a lot more than you do negative feedback.

You can help your child look at the world more positively. If you work to change, he’ll change. If you love and understand him you’ll help him become less the negative child and more someone he’ll enjoy being.

When I was younger, I used to be obsessed with optimism. I could not tolerate any thought of a possible ill outcome. ~ Chin-Ning Chu

A Mental Jumpstart
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.  Breakfast will help your child be able to focus his concentration and solve the problems a school day presents to him.  He’ll be able to remember things better if he’s had a good breakfast; he’ll do better on tests; and he’ll have fewer behavioral problems in school.

Be a Positive Example

You be right there at the table and eat right beside your children.  Leading by example has always been the best way to teach them good habits and healthy lifestyles. Shared meals also anchor and mold your family – which is key to raising a happy child.

Attend your child’s school functions.  It’s important to them and their performance will be better if you show that you care. If you’re sharing responsibilities with your mate or your ex, one of you needs to be there.

For Improving Grades

Give some thought to your child’s study location.  Having a television there might not be the best idea.  Segregate the time and location for playing video games or computer games from when he should be focused on homework or school projects. Developing self discipline in this arena is important for creating work ethics later on.

• Create an area that is only for doing homework.  The key is not location: it is privacy and quiet for focusing attention.
• Make sure they have the right tools for the job. Buy school supplies.  Ask them on the way home from school what they might need.  Don’t wait until you have to go out again to buy them. Be sure they have adequate lighting.
• Create a scenario of “you don’t have to rush through this” for your children. Establish a time that remains constant every day and follow through with it.
• Check on your child’s computer to be sure it’s being used for homework and not play.
• Be there to help answer questions to help them through a problem they may be having.
• Consider a tutor if necessary. Speak to your kid’s teacher for additional ways you can help him.
• Break up long periods of school work with ways to stretch and move.

Following these tips for raising a happy child are just the beginning to creating healthy habits and developing self discipline that will last their whole life.

Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.  ~Neil Postman

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn’t music.  ~William Stafford

You who are parents have a wonderful opportunity to teach your child that there is a vast, endless, wonderful universe of things to learn, to do, to enjoy.  This unfoldment we are each involved in here on earth, is a step-by-step process.  What’s really cool to share with your children is this:

You only have to take the one step you can see next.

Once you’re “there,” the next one step will become plain and obvious.

In order to enjoy learning, some of the basic skills have to be put into place:  basics of math, language, history, geography, music, art, grammar and the like.  And this is why children go to school:  to set down the basic skills as a foundation so that when they complete this education and have this strong, basic foundation, they are prepared to launch into their next phase where they get to select a field of study that they love, enjoy and from which they can create their livelihood.

Not only should you study for the basics in school, but you ought to think about creating a set of basic skills you’ll also need in life like these, for example:

• Cooking
• Auto maintenance
• How to interview
• Internet skills
• Performing CPR
• Driving a Manual Transmission
• Fighting or Walking Away from Fighting
• Investments and Budgeting
• Changing a Flat Tire
• Growing vegetables
• How to Paint
• Memory tricks
• Making friends in a room of strangers
• Reading a map or asking for directions
• Learning another language
• Handling alcohol
• How to negotiate
• Using the local library

It would be fun with your children to create a chart of the skills you’d love to teach them each year so that they are presented the basics.  This way, they will feel comfortable doing more exploring on their own. Wouldn’t it be fun in the family if all the children went off to discover some skill they loved and then brought it back to share with their siblings?  The list of basic skills would grow and grow on your family skills chart.

You can play the “Why Should I Learn” game on family car trips. Ask the question “Why Should I Learn (fill in the blank”) and see how many good reasons your children can come up with. And after they tell you all the “Why” reasons, then ask “What skills would I have to learn?” and see what they might come up with.  You can develop a sense of inquisitiveness and the desire to enjoy learning with these games.

“Studies serve for delight, for ornaments, and for ability.” ~ Sir Francis Bacon

I think that basically you understand this, but let’s look at the idea from a different perspective: would you expose your young child to blaring music, or would you think such loudness might cause damage to his little ears? Well, I think it’s the same for the words that get spoken around a child.

You realize that you can pick up on conversations that are going on around you. You can hear snippets of talking in your office, for example. So can your child, and while he might not understand all of the words, his little mouth will surely want to try them on for fit and feel, which is why it’s important to watch your words.

You may think that a child is too young to understand what is being said, but in my experience, impressionable children can understand much more of what they hear than we think they can. I can remember how young my own son was when I realized that he fully comprehended what I was saying to him. I could tell by the look on his face, and he wasn’t quite capable of having a big conversation with me yet.

I think it’s important for us to model the kind of behavior we want our children to emulate. If our vocabulary is filled with expletives, so will our children’s be. They will use the words they hear, in particular, those they hear most frequently at home.

It might be fun to teach your child to say silly things in lieu of something he’s picked up that is not appropriate. Saying “ketchup head” makes a child laugh and is a great substitute for “stupid.”

If your guests are unable to control their vocal habits around your kids, then turn it into a learning experience with your children about what “not” to say and why not to say it!

You probably make an effort to monitor his exposure from television or books or movies. It’s just as important to watch your words and to ask your friends and visitors to do the same when your child is nearby. And don’t forget the wonderful rule when you’re speaking to children: Say what you mean, and mean what you say. They truly do get that!

Ambition the word was originated from ambio, to go about after the practice of Roman candidates for office, who went about the city to solicit votes. It is defined now as a striving for excellence or superiority and this superiority follows applaudable ambition. There is also a sense of the word that means an inordinate striving for power.

Again, do you think of yourself as ambitious, and which sense of the word more correctly describes how you use this motivation?  On the positive side, we can say “I am truly motivated to succeed” while on the negative side, you may be seen as a dominating ego-maniac, unconcerned about the others you step on as you climb to the pinnacle of what you deem to be success.

In this article, I’d like to address both sides of being ambitious.  I’d love to think that you will see which side you are on and if the side needs improving, you will decide to change and do that.

In the process of unfoldment, as we develop a sense of Self from our baby stage, through our toddler stage, into the young adult stage and then, finally, the adult stage, our sense of Self changes drastically.  These changes accompany the unfoldment of our ability to reason rightly about our life experience and to unfold a sense of self-sufficiency.

Because life is a mental experience, as our sense of Self become larger, stronger and more about understanding, our bodies change to reflect those very changes inside our minds.  Babies don’t know they can walk, so their bodies reflect that.  As they figure out the can walk, their bodies reflect that.

Just as simultaneously as light emits light, our sense of ambition also unfolds and pictures itself forth via our bodies.  We may ambitiously desire to walk, to run, to kick a ball.  We strive for these accomplishments until we unfold the ability to reflect via our bodies the desires inside our minds.

Some individuals decide early on just how much is enough in this ambition area.  And some individuals decide early on that they want it all; that they’ll do whatever it takes to get it all; and they don’t care who gets hurt in the process. And somewhere along the line as you moved from the baby to the youth to the adult stage, you decided precisely where to place your focus.  You decided on how to define ambitious for you via school, your body, your possessions, your spirituality, your career, your politics, or your country. And you also decided how much focus and power you’d place upon this ambition.

I believe it’s wise to gain a balance of success in all the areas above.  If you notice that you have a larger proportion in only one area, you may want to re-consider how you’re using the powerful tool of being ambitious.

“Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.” ~ Mark Twain

This universe has a step by step design too. Each of our 365 days is segmented into am and pm, and then into hours, and then minutes and then seconds. And in each of those seconds, we can take one tiny step toward our greater wishes, wants and desires.

Do you ever rest your head on your pillow at night and ask yourself how many steps toward your greater good were you able to take that day? And have you ever decided then and there which steps you’ll take knowing full well the sun will rise and provide all those seconds for taking more steps tomorrow? Even when you are sleeping, your mind continues the days processing and brings you lessons in your dreams so that you can take more steps. Life is such a wonderful schoolmaster about the taking of the next steps, don’t you think?

I love the divine design of life. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be born and then to have every single decision we’d ever need to make in a lifetime dumped in our laps immediately! It would be overwhelming and not at all kind. The design we currently have – the step by step method – works so much more handsomely.

We need to share these concepts with our children as soon as they can grasp the concept, so that they do not become overwhelmed by their young lives. If all they have to be concerned about is the next step, and if they know they’ll be as capable of taking one step in the future as the stepping stone life, it provides a strong sense of comfort for them.

Making decisions for how we want to live, to grow, to learn, to unfold, to succeed – all these need that step by step method, and each stately step makes our lives that much more enjoyable and satisfying.

If you looked twenty years into your future, would you feel at all overwhelmed at the decisions you’d be asked to make on that future day? I don’t think so, because you’d know from your past experience that each day brings its own challenges PLUS the grace to make the decisions necessary just for that day. And twenty years from now, that same model will still be in place, working for your greater good. I think the Alcoholic’s Anonymous creed to live “One Day At a Time” is truly wise because it honors the step by step method.

If you can keep your mind focused on the day that you are living right now, you may find a measure of calm and renewed confidence in your capabilities. You may also find tremendous relief in the knowledge that this life’s model will ensure you that the future will be as well taken care of as the present is now.

You always have the last say about the manner in which we show up for our lives today and tomorrow, and today’s stepping stones of life decisions have an enormous affect on who we will become and what we will be enjoying (or not) years from now. If we can remain fully conscious in the day at hand, enjoying all it has to offer and putting our thoughts into making the most of it, we will find that today’s experiences create the new us – perfectly ready and capable to handle any future life can dish up.

“Each forward step we take we leave some phantom of ourselves behind.” ~John Lancaster Spalding

Have you ever wondered why individuals like Mother Theresa and the Dalai Lama encourage us to “be of service” to others and live that in their own daily lives? What is so wonderful about being of service?

Love is an action word, and it’s never more active than when you are generating it and giving it away.  We are all capable of making the world a better place, even if we have doubts and fears that seem to limit us.  Our being of service doesn’t have to hit the front page of the newspapers.  It can be as small and unseen as picking up trash on the street when you see it. You get to feel good within yourself.  No one pats you on the back or announces the good you do to others.

If you can share these concepts with your children early in their lives, they will become the core of improving the world they live in. Helping their brothers and sisters or their parents can be a beginning to teach them selflessness and love.

Some of us think we need tons of money to create huge projects and absorb lots of hours.  No, much of the being of service happens in a matter of a few moments.  If you want to make the world a better place for you’re having lived here, you can do dozens of tiny small deeds as they show up in your life.  You can be of service by offering an arm to someone stepping off a bus.  You can be of service by letting someone enter the bank ahead of you.  You can be of service by letting someone with only a few items to purchase get in front of you in the grocery store. It’s in small deeds that being of service become significant.  When we help others through our love, attention and service, we help the world in our small, everyday occurrences.
We can do something as small as thinking a positive thought and point it toward someone who needs it. If you see a child struggling with his parent in public, you can send them each a loving thought of harmony and peace.  Trust me, those kinds of thoughts are gratefully received.  And you can share a knowing smile to a mom struggling to maintain several squirming children.  We can each improve our homes, our places of work, our communities and on out into our country, if we drop a few coins into a charitable cause, if we consciously look into others’ eyes and give them a smile. We will see more opportunities as we progress in this. A UPS truck driver taught me how to acknowledge another by bowing his head in my direction as a way to say “Hello.”  I pass it along to others.

We improve the entire universe as we learn how to be of service because we become more informed. When we share our information, as I am doing here, we create a positive vibration that then serves as the motivation for more positive change.  And if you will send this article to your friends who are not on our list, and they will send it to their friends, these ideas will become viral!

No one know better than those of us who live in the Middle east that selfless and helpful deeds can help us exercise some degree of control over a world that can seem chaotic at times. Even the smallest of such deeds is a demonstration of the fact that we are capable of changing the world in a positive way. There has been a great deal of negative energy and it gets fed by the suffering, pain, and close-mindedness we are regularly exposed to, but we can counteract it in a constructive way by thinking and acting unselfishly whenever we see an opportunity to inject some “being of service.”

Being of service helps the whole world and it often takes no more than a fleeting moment, accomplished by even the busiest of people effortlessly. When you make a habit of love in action, these small attentions create a  broader benefits for the entire world. Once a day, you can affect reality, and you can reap the rewards of knowing that you are making the world a better place, service by service.