There was a time in our civilization when eating was done only for survival.  In our times, eating is so plentiful that it’s led to eating inappropriately, called emotional eating because we are angry, bored, stressed, frustrated, down in the dumps, watching TV, too busy, and not busy enough, getting together with friends. It’s no longer about survival; it’s about emotion these days which involves brain chemistry.

Brain chemicals influence your emotions but your reason for eating as well, for example:

Nor epinephrine: This is the fight-or-flight chemical.

Serotonin: This neurotransmitter makes you feel good and is targeted by antidepressants.

Dopamine: This is the built in pleasure and reward system. It’s keenly sensitive to addictions; because it helps you feel no pain.

GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid): This amino acid anesthetizes you so that excess weight can disappear responsibly.

Nitric oxide: This neuropeptide helps calm you. It relaxes the blood vessels of the body.

Balancing these chemicals requires a balanced diet.  But if you have a diet in which sugar predominates, for example, you’ve got a good chance for becoming addicted to serotonin.

If you become more aware of your emotions, and you work to eat a more-balanced choice from all of the food groups, your hormone level will stabilize and your desire to eat the wrong foods will automatically return to normal.

Here are some tips to help you achieve normalcy:

1. Use foods to your advantage. Foods have different effects on your mind and your digestive system. Try turkey to cut carb cravings. Turkey contains tryptophan, which increases serotonin to improve your mood and combat depression and helps you resist cravings for simple carbs. Try salmon for moods. Omega-3 fatty acids, which are found in certain fish (including salmon, canned tuna, halibut, and mahi-mahi), have long been known as brain boosters and cholesterol clearers, but they’ve also convincingly been shown to help with depression in pregnant women. Depression contributes to hedonistic and emotional eating.

2. Savor the flavor. If you’re going to eat something that’s bad for you, really get into enjoying it. Take a piece of dark (70% cocoa) chocolate, for example, to relieve stress and to reward yourself with something sweet. It’s OK to eat what you think of as “bad food” occasionally.

3. Get enough sleep. This can really help control appetite. If your body doesn’t get the 7 to 8 hours of sleep it requires each night, it has to find ways to compensate for neurons not secreting the normal amounts of serotonin or dopamine. And it does that by craving sugary foods that will give you an immediate release of serotonin and dopamine.

Use these tips to get your emotional eating under control and you’ll be on your way to a more balanced way of life.

To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect.”

~ Oren Arnold

Christmas is the time of year when we get into a celebratory mood.  We bring out our best garments, our best recipes, our sincerest form of love. It’s a time when we can say “I love you” through many different channels. Please think about your loved ones during this lovely season as you read this message:

If I knew this would be our very last day together, I’d kiss you goodnight and ask God to bless you forever and ever.

If I knew when you left for work today that I might never see you again, I would kiss you and embrace you and call you back from the front porch for “just one more kiss.”

If I knew that the sound of your voice would fade from my memory, I would record every event of our last day together and cherish and enjoy it over and over again because you were gone.

If I knew we’d be meeting for the last time, I would spare all my extra minutes to be sure you knew all the details of just how much I love you instead of assuming that you do.

If I knew this would be our last time together, I’d cancel all my plans and weave into our day  all the joy I could and not think “Ah, it’s just another day!”

If I knew there would be no tomorrows to right any wrongs; no more second chances, I would treat you impeccably well today.

If I knew today was the end, that I couldn’t say “I love you” directly to you again, that I’d never be able to ask you “What can I do to help you?” I want to be deeply aware to treat you well today.

Now, I may be wrong.  Today may be all I get, so I want to be sure you know how much I love and cherish you. None of us is promised “Sure, there will always be another tomorrow.” It’s important to love and hold your loved ones tightly and encounter no regrets.

Take time to give them an extra smile, a special kiss, to fulfill a wish you might not have a chance to fulfill if today is the last day of your togetherness. Hold them close and say that you love them and that you will always cherish them dearly. Make sure you don’t carry forward into tomorrow the “I’m sorry”, the “Forgive me” the “You are so special” that you can accomplish today for those you love.

I don’t think anything could be worse than staring into an empty future without those you love and to have to think “If I’d only known, I’d have told them.”

Merry Christmas! May you and your loved ones enjoy this marvelous season.

“It was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God Bless Us, Every One!” ~ Charles Dickens

• I have learned that no matter what odds seem to be pressing you down, you can (and I think must) stand for what you believe in and withstand the pressures in your life.

This means courage.

• I have learned that if you teach yourself to smile even when the feelings inside you scream out in their negativity, you will weather the storm. Work to support others, despite the forces against you, with a smile on your face.

This means strength.

• I have learned that if you are working to accomplish the dream of your heart, you will stop at nothing. Do what is right, stop at nothing, and live the life of your dreams.

This means determination.

• I have learned it benefits you to do more than is expected, particularly when in service to others. Make someone else’s life more bearable and offer no complaint. A true character strength.

This means compassion.

• I have learned that you should help a friend in need, knowing when it’s really help, and when it holds them in their weakness. Perform help regardless of the time or amount of work it takes, and do it well.

This means loyalty.

• I have learned that you ought to give more than you think you can give. Expect nothing in return.

This means selflessness.

• I have learned that if you try to be the very best you can be, even when the throes of changes you not even want are forced upon you and your life seems to be falling about, you can face every difficulty. Face every difficulty with a positive sense that tomorrow will be better and never, never give up.

This means confidence.

These character strengths have served me well and now I give them to you as ideas to create your own list of strengths and implement them into your own lives.

We were each born with the ability to cry, and because the entire design of the universe is splendid and awe inspiring, we have to realize that healthy crying is part of the divine plan of beauty and perfection.

Tears are the symbol that emotions are flooding around inside our minds and those emotions can symbolize either happiness or sadness. I frequently wonder in amazement how actors and actresses can conjure forth tears upon command.  My tears of emotion seem to be automatically triggered by some of my very deepest feelings in their effort to be free and move from my depths to outside of myself.

Joy-filled moments like a child’s first steps or any of his subsequent accomplishments often trigger tears. If you have a child coming home after a long journey, tears fall. My assistant cries uncontrollably at weddings. Gratitude over a successful outcome often trips off tearing. We may cry over the death of the leader of a country who was beloved. And have you ever cried and thought you would never stop when you go through an ordeal in your life? All these tears of emotion offer us a physical release of the feelings that triggered them.

Letting your tears flow, just having a good cry, can sometimes make you feel better. If you are someone who doesn’t like to express your emotions, you may have to go for a ride in the country to have your good cry so you can sit in the middle of a field or under a tree and be in private to allow your feelings out.  It is not shameful to cry, since we were born with this ability as part of the design.  Tears and healthy crying are natural.  Sometimes our conditioning (“Big boys don’t cry.”) keeps us from this expression, but there is true beauty in vulnerability and great healing that comes from the honest sharing of deep emotions.

Some psychologists report that if you are supported through a good cry, you will experience improvements and won’t if you don’t have this support. If you lack insight into your emotional life, you may not experience a catharsis, so if you’re one of these, perhaps delving into your emotional life is indicated.

One of the best benefits of crying is that it is free.  You don’t have to pay a professional to help you through some emotional trauma. You can do it yourself! And men, we realize you find it more challenging to cry than do women. It’s a unique and surviving tool of evolution, so let your hair down and have a good cry.  If it makes you more comfortable, do it in private, fellows. There are different chemicals that come out of you due to emotional crying vs. chopping onions, so “getting it out” may be much more than we’ve ever thought before.

There are a lot of sometimes funny words to describe crying:  sobbing, blubbering, wailing, caterwauling, bawling, but whatever word you use, please DO cry.  Tears of emotion are natural and a good cleansing release from healthy crying is great for you.

“I always knew looking back on my tears would bring me laughter, but I never knew looking back on my laughter would make me cry.” ~ Cat Stevens

As we move into our adult lives, we form assumptions about “how it ought to be.”  Sometimes, these decisions are based on the pressures of society; sometimes, on the input from our friends and family. And sometimes, our decisions push us so severely that we end up with way too much on our plates.  We end up as a passenger who’s just along for the wild ride, when we should be driving our lives from only our own decisions. It’s time to take charge of your life.

We live in an extremely fast-paced world.  We jump out of our beds in the morning, rush through our early routine, rush off to work, jamb as much into our days so we’re seen as productive, and then rush home to continue rushing through our home and family tasks.  We can maintain this pace for a long time, but at some point, it all becomes overwhelming and just plain exhausting. It makes winding down at the end of the day without any sense of pleasure at all.

Perhaps now is the time when you slow to pace yourself and say “Now wait just a minute! My life is way too busy and getting out of control. Let’s take a look at how I make decisions and see which ones I can truly set aside.”
You need to come to a full stop so that you can analyze your life and  what you’ve been doing without thinking too much about it, and just going along.  You ought to consider how much you truly want to do the activities you’re caught up in.  You can take a look at who is being pleased by your decisions – you, or someone else, like a parent, for example?  Are you truly happy with your life, your schedule, your activities?  Are you in the driver’s seat or have you slid over into the passenger side of the car and are just along for the ride, despite the cost to you? Do you want to take charge of your life?

Charting your own course in life requires that the decision-making process be all of your own. You are the one’s ultimately responsible, so you are the one who gets to make all of the decisions.  Your decisions might not be the same as the ones that would make your family and friends happy, but you are not here to make others happy:  you do take them into consideration, but it’s your own wishes, wants, and desires that are the most important.  You might run into some interference from your family and friends if your decisions don’t go the old way, or the way they’d prefer.  Be prepared to stand your ground and vote for your Self.  There may be a time of temporary discomfort where it’s difficult to talk with them about the subject, but that will fade and they may never understand your decisions, but you will be happy. I think it’s much better to suffer a bit of temporary discomfort than to live your entire life according to another’s desires, don’t you?

When you analyze your life, you may find that many of the pieces in the picture of your life are happy ones that can remain as is.  Or you may see that you’ve been really busy doing things that please others but don’t leave you enough time to be with your family, pursue your hobbies, or be free to just vegetate.

So, just pull your car (your life) off the road for a rest (pace yourself) under a shady tree and in the quiet of reflection, get back in touch with who you truly are and what you truly want. Once you accomplish this analysis, you can climb back into the driver’s seat and confidently take charge of your life.

Our lifestyles in the year 2011 are very complex: the options for choosing are overwhelmingly large, and many of us simply sidestep making any decision by making none at all “until later.” “Until later” is what procrastination is all about, and eventually a habit gets formed where nothing gets done in the present moment and nothing gets done later, either. Our sense of accomplishment erodes.

And what is the “why” behind procrastination?

• I can’t do it now.

• I have too much else on my plate.

• I’m not sure what the right decision is.

• I don’t want to appear less-than.

• My family will laugh at me.

• I’m not very good at this.

• This other task is easier.

• I can’t do it perfectly now.

• I love the adrenalin rush of doing things last moment.

• I’m feeling too overburdened and discouraged to make one more move.

• My decisions aren’t good ones; why make them?

• I’m afraid of failing.

• I’m afraid of succeeding.

If any of the items in the list above are singing your name, you may be one of those folks who let your work-a-day pressures lead you from the decisions that would focus you forward. Here’s a tip on overcoming procrastination – I am going to recommend that you travel forward in thought to the last day you’ll have here on earth.

On this day, all the small stuff will seem unimportant to you. You won’t be thinking “Can I pay my bills?” or “Am I too fat?” as you lay dying. Instead, you’ll be looking back over your life in overview style – and in your thinking on that last day will be only those items of true importance. You are the only one who will know what you’d be thinking on that last day. For me, it would be “Did I give back enough? Did I share my understanding with my fellow man?” What would it be for you?

If you can name it here today, it will promote a new way of thinking about your life. You will be placing yourself at the end to gain a fresh new perspective – to see what is truly important to you in the now, and then you can grant yourself a fresh start to actually live in a manner that allows you to accomplish what is most important to you in your life.

Obviously, to gain that sense of accomplishment, you will have to abandon your habit of procrastinating. You will have to make a list indicating that you are in complete charge of your life and that the habits you will next put into place will allow you to create a new habit of accomplishment vs. your old habit of procrastinating.

Right now, you can decide where you want to place your focus, your thinking and your accomplishments so that what has true meaning and real importance for you both receives and deserves your attention, your planning, your actions and your accomplishment.

There will be times when you slide back into your old way of thinking. This is the time when you remember your resolve, re-read your to-do list and see how much you’ve already gotten done so that you can get back on your new track.

And don’t forget to stop on your path and smell the roses. Enjoy deep breathing. Love the sunrise and the sunset. Pat yourself on the back for the steps you’ve taken toward your new goals. Your sense of accomplishments will imbue enjoyment and love and you will be on the road to overcoming procrastination.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today. ~ Thomas Jefferson

Rooms, interior spaces such as those in buses or trains or airplanes or cars, and even the out of doors absorb some of the individuals who’ve been there.  You can feel their energy level.  If you watch police drama shows, imagine the energy a policeman has to step into in a crime scene!

You can control the energy level in your home or in your cubicle space at work by exercising your intention. If you want it to be calm, peaceful and comfortable, and you want it to smell pleasant, you can enjoy that.  If you give it no thought at all, you will get an entirely different result, one that is a bit more happenstance. As a point of consideration, we can control the energy level we leave behind for others. We can at the end of a work day, shrug off our exhaustion, and generate a bit more positive energy before the drive home.  This would be felt as “hopeful” to anyone who entered after you were gone.

If you are concerned about the comfort and ease of those who enter your home, or you whisper a little blessing of love when you enter a building, that home aroma and that energy permeates the structure. You clear away anything stale in there and send freshness and love in.  It’s interesting to think about what people say to you when they come into your home or your office.  Do you like what they say, or does it make you uncomfortable?  You can change the conditions to evoke a more positive response.

St. Paul speaks of the things that are invisible being known by the things that are visible.  If you are a junk collector, few individuals would enjoy coming into your home.  If you are an interior designer determined to craft beauty and grace in your environment, you would garner many compliments and people would enjoy being there.  You can treat your spaces from the invisible side (setting your intention and following through on your desires) and manifest them on the visible side.  Intention is the key.

If you are entering a family member’s home or a friend’s home where there has been some kind of problem, send your invisible good wishes and blessings ahead of your entry.  Picture the inside of the home filled with light, grace and beauty and you will make all negativity disappear with your blessing. Some folks hang a sign at their doors Good Bless All Who Enter Here. If you see such a sign, and you are in agreement with it, you bring the good in with you.

Conscious awareness like this becomes habitual if we set our intention to do it.  Send forth your love and goodwill and you will breathe out a positive energy of goodwill.  You will bring light and enlightenment to the lives of others, because they will ask you “What is there about you?  I feel so comfortable around you!” And then you can share these ideas with them; they become skilled at it, and we have more peace in the world.

Work to increase the energy level in your home aura by being aware of the home aroma and energy that is there.

Detoxing is a high priority for those desirous of a healthy lifestyle. Both diet and exercise increase your health advantages. Combining the following foods in the tastiest manner will aid in your detoxing.

• Fruit – eating fresh fruit is very important, and any kind of fruit is okay. Real fruit juices also work as long as they don’t contain sugar or preservatives.

• Vegetables – the same rule will apply with vegetables as with fruits, eat. Any combination that appeals to your taste buds works.

• Beans and lentils – Water-packed beans are ok; oil-packed are not.

• Tofu and quorn – These are both popular meat substitutes

• Oats – sprinkle them over fresh fruit. Cook them. Enliven their taste with fresh fruits or honey.

• Fresh fish – A great aid for detoxifying. Avoid oil-packed fish.

• Live yogurt – Probiotics in live yogurt help settle digestion

Avoid these Foods

• Red meat, chicken, turkey and other poultry

• Processed meat products, such as sausages, hotdogs, processed luncheon meats, and pate

• Milk, cream, cheese and other dairy products

• Eggs, butter and margarine

• High salt snacks like potato chips or other snack chips

• Salted nuts of any kind

• Chocolate, candy and other sweets

• Refined sugar

• Jams and jellies

• Caffeinated drinks such as tea, coffee and soft drinks

• Alcohol of any kind

• Salt

• Premixed retail salad dressings

Detoxing your body twice each year will result in improved overall health, and reduce the problems associated with the dangers of pollution, toxins, and stress that is faced each day.

Detoxing Your Mind

Your mind and the thoughts it thinks are the Cause of all that you experience, including the health of your body. If you detox your body without detoxing your mind, you will simply recreate those bodily toxins. Stress can be greatly decreased via meditation.

I cannot tell you what to remove from your mind, but I can give you a few tips for things to look for:

• Most importantly, what kind of thinking makes you feel most uncomfortable? Discomfort is the mind’s way of saying “This isn’t good for you.” Remove these items first and replace them with thoughts that you consider good.

• Do you consciously govern your thinking throughout the day, or do you set aside a period of time to do this daily? It’s as important for the conditioning of the mind as exercise is to the body.

• What is the oldest type of discomfort you experience? What can you replace it with?

If you try detoxing your mind using these three tips, you’d make great progress toward more success and greater happiness by this time next month, and I think you’d be delighted with yourself!

Coaching Questions

Which should come first: detoxing your mind or detoxing your body?

Why?

Which three steps can you take to provide the greatest improvement for yourself this month?

It’s silly to think this kind of caregiver, regardless of his or her virtue, can completely sustain this type of giving lifestyle without some comforting from their friends and family, but  they do continue giving.  Many of that type of individual have needs that are unmet for their own health, pain, or nurturing. In their decision to “be strong,” their own needs remain beneath the surface unattended to.

So frequently, the motivating factor in these generous individuals can be linked to a deep passion to heal their own wounds; to receive the type of love and attention they so generously give to others on a regular basis. They find it challenging and difficult to permit themselves to receive love and comforting, so they give it to others to act out their own needs. I think that while they continue giving to others – and it’s a great good they accomplish – they must also consider turning some of their phenomenal strengths and love inside and foster caring for their own needs.

So often, folks who live in the “I am going to rescue and serve you” model get stuck thinking this is the only way their lives can exist.  Frequently, they don’t enjoy the peace that comes from within nor do they focus on their own personal growth because they are so involved solving the crisis of others. Unless these generous caregivers turn the spotlight of their nurturing upon themselves, they will continue to be magnetized by the needs of others. And sadly, they could be so caught up in this role that they actually enable those needy people and keep them weakened because they’re not even trying to solve their own problems.
Once these people discover that they have caregiver needs, then they discover the strength to turn within and face the needy aspects of their own mentality, he or she can become a model of empowerment and a true source of healing in the world.

Are you one of these wonderfully helpful and loving individuals?  Does the rescuer in you need rescuing himself or herself?  Are you burning out from inside due to your excessive giving?  Can you admit to having a long list of needs yourself?  Is there help for caregivers?

A gentle word of wisdom:  there is no one out there with a list of needs where your name is at the top.  You will have to create it yourself and then turn your wonderful talents to fulfilling your own needs.  This might mean not being quite so strong – perhaps even being vulnerable and admitting you hurt, too. St. Paul says: When I am weak, then am I strong.

You might feel some resentment that those around you cannot see your caregiver needs as you can see them in others. You’ll get help when you admit you need it; when you know you’re as human as the rest of us and that you are in pain.  And the wholeness of your having helped and having admitted to your own needs will inspire others to be as honest as you are.  I wish you well. I think you’re going to be surprised and delighted at the assistance that can come your way when you invite it in.

I say that trials and tests locate a person. In other words, they determine where you are spiritually. They reveal the true condition of your heart. How you react under pressure is how the real you reacts. ~ John Bevere

Love is like that. Love circulating in our thinking makes the blood circulating throughout our bodies warm us. I’d like to talk about this kind of warming love and see if you can affect your health a bit for the good by keeping yourself warm when you circulate a sense of love.

First of all, I’d like you to recognize the truth about love and blood circulating by giving it a try. March is a great month to experiment because we still have some cool days. I’d like you to experiment by dressing differently. If you normally wear a heavy coat when you go out of doors, wear a lighter one. If you wear a lighter coat, wear a sweater. If you normally wear a sweater, go without one. I’d like you to feel more cool than warm.

Now, begin to think about something that you love as you take a small walk. Think about your boyfriend or girlfriend. Think about some hobby that you are passionate about. Think about a wonderful meal you’ll enjoy when you get home. Taste it. Smell it. Get that love flowing. Make a list in your mind of everything you can think of that you currently absolutely love.

Now, consider your sense of comfort after thinking all those loving thoughts. Are you just as comfortable with less clothing than you were when you wore a heavier coat? I submit that a sense of love flowing throughout your system will keep you feeling warmer. Have you ever seen children joyfully playing in the snow without jackets at all? Their love of play destroys a sense of cold.

If you can establish a sense of love about all the aspects of your life, you’ll not only feel more positive-minded, but you’ll feel warmer too. I realize that many women have a tendency to wear many layers and they take them off and on with regularity. You won’t have to do this with a proper sense of love flowing and keeping your blood warm.

What are you most interested in? I am hoping you did not say “Nothing.” We are in an environment where the opportunity for focusing our interest is so enormous it would literally be impossible to become bored.

I think that the movie “The Bucket List” is an excellent example of staying interested and keeping that warming love going. It’s about two terminally ill men who escape from a cancer ward and head off on a road trip with a wish list of to-dos before they die. Well, what’s on your Bucket List? I think it would be grand to create a list so long you’d never get to finish it all. But boy, would your interest be active, keeping a sense of love flowing, and your blood warmed up.

“It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade.” ~ Charles Dickens