Tuesday, Mar 1, 2011How the Expectations of Children Help Them Progress

You might not remember this from your lofty adult perch, but think back and see if you can recall any of the senses from your childhood, because the expectations of children hopeful. Perhaps “hope-filled” might better describe it.

Children expect to grow up; to learn to walk; to learn to feed themselves; to learn the alphabet; to learn how to sing; to learn so many, many things. They expect to get toys and learn to play with them. And then they expect the next, better toys, don’t they?

It is the sense of expectation that helps children progress into their own futures. It is the power train that drives them to the next stately step and the one after that. And, my dear readers, the sense of expectation is still propelling you!

As a parent of children, it is wise to find out what the expectations of children are and foster them so that they can grow up with a sense of hope, of fulfillment, of satisfaction. Some child psychologists recommend that you always say “Yes” to your children because “No” kills their sense of expectation. My administrative assistant told me that she always said “Yes” and she coupled it with things she wanted her sons to accomplish.

For example: “Yes, you can spend the night at Justin’s house once your bedroom is cleaned up.”

She told me that when her sons became adults, one of them came back and made this statement “You never said no to us, did you?”

You can always find a way to say “Yes” and keep their sense of expectation alive and growing. Or perhaps you might express that you are considering a “Yes” by saying “Why not?” Your children don’t know the long list of rules you have created inside your head for one reason or another, so they don’t consider them at all! And their questions with you trying your best to say “Yes” will give you a grand opportunity to decide if that long list of stuff inside your head is even valid any more.

I decided that I could get rid of my long list of “it must be like this” by asking myself one simple question: “How long ago did I decide that, and is it still valid?” What you think is important just isn’t necessarily important to your kids. They just want you to say “Yes” as part of their forward progress. When you say “No” they feel stifled, disappointed, and overly-governed.

There may be times when you just have to say “No” and stick with it. But you might consider even turning a “No” into a growth opportunity for your child. You can teach them how to do deductive reasoning by saying “I really think that my “No” answer is the best for this situation. However, if you can give me three valid reasons why I should change my mind, then I will.”

Wishing, hoping, wanting and desiring are other words that define the expectations of children. If you foster an open discussion with your children about their wishes, wants, hopes and desires, you will keep their expectations alive and will help your children progress..

“March is the month of expectation, the things we do not know…~ Emily Dickinson, XLVIII