Wednesday, Sep 1, 2010How To Use Positive Parenting For Your Child’s Behavior

A child’s behavior is very closely associated with positive parenting techniques, especially effective discipline and setting boundaries.

One of the lessons we learn in the early days of our lives is that there are consequences for our actions.  I think that this happens because of the Law of Cause and Effect:  once Cause is set into motion, Effect follows very shortly thereafter.  We learn that good behavior is rewarded and bad behavior is punished. A child’s behavior frequently pushes those boundaries, but as good parents, we have to be aware of this and have a consequence at hand and at the ready.  It’s the Law.

Most parents want their children to be successful and to live happy and productive lives. We work to foster self-sufficiency in them; to teach them how to think properly so that they make wise decisions; and to be respectful of their own and of others’ property. All of these ideas unfold self-discipline in the child.  Having your child govern himself as early as possible is a noteworthy goal.

Discipline is sometimes connected to the idea of harsh punishment, but you might be interested to learn that the root word for discipline means “to learn.”  So, ultimately when you apply effective discipline to your child, you do it out of the basis of teaching him some lesson he doesn’t yet understand and it’s a loving motivation unconnected with punishment, but rather consequences for his action.  And at some point, it’s a grand idea to let the child come up with the consequences! He learns double fast that way.

Now every parent approaches discipline and behavior guidance from an individual perspective, so I don’t want to tell you what to do here.  I want to offer you some guidelines that ought to be included when you create your own positive parenting plan.

Be sure that your child knows exactly what your expectations are.  You will have to take the time to think through this and create the rules.  Keep them simple and consistent.  Take the time to explain them to your child.

Define your expectations and establish limits.  Once your child achieves your expectations as he grows more mature, you can redefine them.  Do some internet research to see if your limits are reasonable.

Keep things positive as often as possible.  Don’t say “Quit hitting your brother.”  Instead say “If you want your brother as a friend, you’ll have to keep your hands to yourself.”  This provides guidance without criticism, and it leaves out a harsh tone of voice that your child might find abrasive. This way fosters cooperation.

Let your child participate in decisions without being an overlord.  Offer what are basically commands so that they include a choice.  “It’s time to sit down to dinner.  Do you need my help washing your hands?”

You can redirect your child’s behavior when he is acting inappropriately.  “It’s not okay to jump on the couch.  Would you like to play outside or help me with the vacuuming?”  Be on the alert to see if your child’s inappropriate behavior might be about some unvoiced emotional need.  Encourage him to discuss his feelings.  Maybe you can get him to talk by sharing an activity with him as you redirect his behavior.

In positive parenting,  you are your child’s example – his role model.  Don’t have two sets of rules.  Effective discipline requires that you adhere to the set you created for him.  He will learn much without your having to speak a word as he watches your example. Consistency is the greatest gift you can give to him.  It lets him know there is stability there he can count on. Your child’s behavior isn’t complex.  It just requires a bit of thought ahead of time and then consistent consequences.