Monday, Nov 1, 2010Raising Teenagers – It Can Be A Struggle

Raising teenagers can be a real battle. Teenagers and parents have been struggling with their relationships since the beginning.

In the United States, parents assume that the way their children turn out is their responsibility and I suppose in some ways, it is. But in some ways, it is not. With that assumption of responsibility lingering over parent’s heads, as the child moves closer to adulthood, this increases the sense of pressure on the parents. And for teenagers, moving that much closer to adulthood also increases individual pressure, so, two pressure-filled elements with a sense of importance may come to blows.

Most parents who are raising teenagers recognize these struggles are somewhat normal as their teens work toward independence. And because most teenagers do make it successfully into adulthood, when most parents discover this, they too can relax a bit.

The approval, support and love that parents have provided throughout the years when raising teenagers is now going to be set aside by those very teens in lieu of their friends. Again, parents have to be the adults until their teens level out.

Teenagers will be maturing into several aspects of life. One of their biggest efforts is the maturing into independence. While they want to set out on their own, they also want to maintain a loving relationship with their parents. Parents would be wise to watch discretely from a distance while they stretch their wings. Maintaining a good relationship between teenagers and parents is a delicate balancing act.

Parents have become accustomed to big buckets of control over their children’s lives. They have assumed this position from the baby days, and they aren’t always aware that their child needs more control in some of these areas now that he’s a teenager. Let him choose his own clothing; his own bedtime; his own friends; his own studies and hobbies. Don’t let the fact that his choices are different from yours for him become an issue between you. Keep that love flowing and continue caring.

Your child might be inadvertently be going through his teenage years when you are going through middle age. This middle-age-syndrome can be a challenge for you in and of itself, so don’t let it make the teenage problems get exaggerated because of it.

Parents, take a deep breath before you read the next sentence because it contains some truth that is frequently found in problems between teenagers and parents. Your teenager may not want the career for himself that you want for him. Just ask yourself this question: Would I have wanted my parent to dictate my career to me? Probably not. So don’t dictate a career for your child. Suggestions, yes.

Your child began to move into his own independence when he was two years old. Remember all those “Nos!” You can make it easier for him to achieve self-sufficiency if you are there, loving him, asking him if he’d be interested in your opinion, and letting him fall down occasionally. He’ll get up. Keep the lines of communication open with your teenager. Be forgiving and don’t take things personally. They will want to come back (and they pretty generally do) if you will let go.

Raising teenagers can be a trial but the rewards of enjoying your adult children are well worth it.