Wednesday, May 26, 2010Being Foolish – How to Change Those Feelings

Here is an example of how our past thoughts can affect our present. You may have feelings of inadequacy or of being foolish, but these thoughts and feelings can be changed.

Marcus was the baby of the family and his sisters and older brother pampered and spoiled him. He was seldom made to care for himself. One of the others did it for him. Thus, he did not develop the skills necessary to place himself forward when life called upon him to do that. He had all these front people to do it for him. Marcus was troubled by what he called inadequacies. He was shy when it came to speaking his mind. He felt like withdrawing in a crowded office. He was a quiet man who, although capable, seldom showed his capabilities due to his upbringing.

Sharon was Marcus’ boss. She had hired him because their initial interview convinced her that he was capable of someday learning her job. She knew that the best way to get a promotion was to hire and train someone who could do her job, because then she could be promoted up one step, and she had very high hopes for Marcus after their interview. But Marcus, due to his upbringing and his coddling by his sisters and brother, reverted to his old feelings of shyness and withdrawal. Sharon, in her wisdom, began to question him for his opinion, in private at first and then in group meetings. She wanted him to relinquish his old feelings and she felt that gentle insistence would bring him and his considerable talents forward.

After she had spent several months nurturing Marcus to bring his true talents forward, Sharon invited him to lunch. She told him what she had observed in him and how she had initiated questions to bring his wonderful ideas forward past his well-learned adaptations of withdrawal and shyness. Marcus was aware of the changes and expressed his gratitude for such a kindly, understanding employer.

You may think that your feelings might be wrong or bad in your own manner of classifying things, but, I don’t think they are wrong at all. All they are really doing is pointing to the fact that somewhere back along the way, you came to a mistaken conclusion about yourself due to some experience. You can now go back and re-think whatever happened, and bring yourself to a new conclusion, accompanied by a Changed You, because you cleaned up one of these old erroneous feelings.

You might also have a pocket full of the fear of being foolish, so you feel foolish if you make a mistake in front of those you care about, or those whom you think will judge you negatively. If you have victimized yourself with these feeling foolish thoughts, it is surely time to take a fresh look.

Think back to the last time you were feeling foolish:

• Who was there with you?
• Where were you?
• What happened?
• What was your first thought?
• What else did you think?
• How did it make you feel?
• What happened inside your mind?
• What happened inside your body?
• Can you let yourself re-feel in your body what you felt then?
• Did you turn hot or cold?
• Did you become angry and confrontational?
• Did your stomach twist or your throat muscles clench?
• Or did you retreat and sulk?
• Did you retreat under the curse of the criticism that made you feel foolish?

If you will look at as many of the aspects of this foolish feeling you experience, you can bring yourself back to a place of asserting for yourself. Yes, you make mistakes. Yes, you do it publicly. And yes, you are willing to admit to your mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. If an individual still has two feet on the ground, he or she will make mistakes. No one is immune. It is how we learn and make forward progress.

Acknowledge that you adopted feeling of being foolish and that you used it as a protective mechanism early on in your life. It most likely saved you from a lot of discomfort. If you are looking at it now, you’ve probably outgrown it.

Would you be willing to Be the Change in these instances of feeling foolish and learn how to shrug off your public mistakes? Feeling foolish or bad is the old choice you chose to feel in your mind. What would you like to change that to? Humor? Laughter? Mere shrugging? Silliness? Simply good? It’s up to you.