Sunday, Jan 1, 2012Couples Communication – Nonverbal Messages

“Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

My daughter-in-law is living with me and when she gets angry, she pounds her feet when she walks, goes silent, and begins to clean frenetically. Her body language is very telling. – Lila

The power of body language

When you are in a relationship with another, your body language is hard to hide:  whether you want to or not, your body language is going to express what you are thinking.  If it’s love, then love shows forth.  If it’s frustration or anger, that will show forth. When you are in a relationship, there will always be nonverbal clues as to what is going on inside your mind, and these nonverbal messages (like tone of voice, volume, and your actions) surround any words you may or may not speak to your significant other.

Language is the most common form of communication with your loved ones and words convey your clear intention to the listener.  But inside of a relationship, nonverbal messages don’t involve words. Have you ever received “the look” from your mate?  Does your silent withdrawal into your bedroom truly let your mate know what’s happening inside of you?  You may be innocently unaware of all the messages you are sending to your partner silently accompanying your words.

Why is this relevant in a relationship?

Non verbal messages have a powerful impact on your partner and thus on the general intimacy of your relationship. The verbal and silently subtle messages you convey can either leave your partner feeling loved or unwanted and anxious. And this is happening wrapped around the words that you speak.

Become Aware of Non-Verbal Communication

* Tone of voice. What are you sending along with your words?

* Facial expression. Your face shows your true feelings.

* Eye contact. Eye-contact conveys interest. Breaking eye-contact…..well, you know!

* Touch. Touch can effectively communicate warmth, or love. Lack of touch is also a message.

* Silence. Silently listening to your partner speaking is supportive and can let him/her know you really care; refusing to speak when your partner needs to hear your thoughts sends a negative message.

* Gestures. “Talking” with your hands, widening your eyes, lifting your eyebrows, etc., can add emphasis to your message. Acting like a sphinx conveys a message, too.

* Body Language. Crossing your arms, turning away from your partner, stomping around the house all show how our bodies display our innermost feelings.

* Interpersonal Distance. The physical distance you place between you and your lover sends an important message, either of love or disapproval.

Take some time this week to observe your nonverbal messages to your significant other.  How are you wrapping those words you speak to him or her?  Are you conveying the message you really want them to have?  Could you Be the Change so that both your verbal and your nonverbal communication send the same message?  I send you my best wishes and support.